The Financial Impacts of Being a Stay-at-Home Mom: Navigating Post-Divorce Finance

The financial impacts of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) are many.

When planning for the birth of a child, some couples take a long, hard look at their finances to budget for a reduced income. For years, it’s been the societal norm that the man will be the “breadwinner,” and the woman will be the stay-at-home mom.  And for many families, this works out great!

But can we take a moment to realize that “stay-at-home mom” is a very broad phrase that doesn’t really capture all of what she does? For instance, many SAHMs not only care for the children, but they also care for their spouse and the family home. I know I won’t be able to list all the “jobs” of a SAHM, but here are a few to consider.

For instance, they are nurses when a child is sick, and… let’s be honest when their spouse is sick, they nurse them back to health too. SAHMs are household managers. They budget, menu-plan, shop, cook, clean, pay bills, drive school carpool, make medical appointments, attend school meetings, chauffeur their children to various activities, etc.

And while doing all of these things for their children and home, they still manage to be supportive and attentive to their spouses.

Oh, and did I mention that the monetary pay really stinks for a SAHM?  It truly does.

I’m active on social media, and I see the contributions of women to the family being devalued on a regular basis. When the family is splitting up, too often, the husband thinks that his wife shouldn’t receive part of the assets like the home and the investment account because “she didn’t go to work, I did.” But being a SAHM is much more than a full-time job. And while it’s hard to assign a monetary value on all that mom does, it’s time we start recognizing that keeping the kids alive, managing their busy schedules to ensure that they have a well-rounded childhood, and keeping the home livable, and generally ensuring that the whole family functions well….. is a very demanding job.

Becoming a single-income household can put a big strain on the family’s finances. Maybe her previous employment and income provided health insurance, covered certain bills, or gave the expendable income to eat out or make non-necessity purchases. Or maybe the income lost changes the outlook of savings and retirement.

The financial impact of being a SAHM can be especially significant if the relationship ends in divorce. Did you know that 87% of women go broke five years after divorce?

When a SAHM has put her career on hold and faces divorce, returning to the workforce after years on hiatus is often difficult. You feel like you’re behind in your skills, and you see that your peers have been promoted and are on a different career trajectory than you. You may find that you’re earning less than you expect because of your absence from your field. Your financial future may look scary.

Navigating your post-divorce finances can feel overwhelming. This may especially be true if you weren’t actively involved in managing the finances for your family. You might not know how much your family’s bills are, and you are probably worried about how you will afford all of it.

Remember that alimony and child support can help fill the gaps financially. But they’re not forever, and you need to work toward financial independence. Even if you are receiving support payments now, things can happen that are out of your control, and the payments could unexpectedly stop. None of this feels fair, but it is the reality that you need to be prepared for.

So where do you start if you find yourself facing divorce and you are a SAHM? I’m so glad you asked.

A budget is a must! Getting a handle on your finances is the best way to see where you are currently, where you want to be in the future, and what you need to get there. I prefer to call your budget a “spending plan” because it really is a plan for how you’re going to spend your money.

Think of everything! Yes, you need to plan for housing, food, insurance (auto, health, life), medical expenses, car payment, utilities, etc. But don’t only think about right now or the immediate future; think of what it will take to continue to provide for your children with or without child support. Will your children need braces? What about a college fund? Is it worth keeping the house simply because you love it or just don’t want your ex to have it?

Have a plan by making a realistic budget and start planning for your financial freedom. I’ve created this free home budget worksheet to help get you started.

You can do this. It probably won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible. And wait until your children see you conquer this and thrive!

Say ‘I Do’ to a Debt-Free Future:

How to Avoid Money Fights in Your Marriage

So, you’re getting hitched! You’re making what you hope will be a lifelong commitment to the one you love through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, now and until death do you part. Sounds heavy? Well, it is! And the best way to make it less heavy is by getting the leading cause for marital splits out of the picture: money fights.

Financial disagreements are among the top 3 causes for divorce, along with infidelity and basic incompatibility. That’s why it’s crucial to get started on the right foot by addressing any potential money issues upfront, discussing short and long-term goals as a couple, and having open and intentional conversations about money. By doing so, you can avoid unnecessary stress and focus on building a strong and lasting partnership.

Before we go further, bear in mind that money is a very sensitive topic for some people. Why? Because it’s personal, and it’s based on what you’ve been taught by people you respect and trust, like your parents. There are two main ways in which most people learn about money: what they hear or are told, and what they feel and observe. If you didn’t have role models to teach you about money growing up, you have to figure it out on your own, through trial and error. This can lead to many painful lessons in the form of fees, fines, and penalties. These can cause shame, guilt and remorse. It’s not your fault, but as my dad would say, “Smart people learn from their mistakes, and really smart people learn from other people’s mistakes.”

10 things about money you should discuss with your partner before you tie the knot:

1. Joint bank accounts:

One of the main ideas of marriage is two become one… two lives, becoming one through, yes you know, sickness and health, richer or poorer etc. I have heard a ton on this topic. Listen, whether you combine accounts or keep them separate, it’s critical to have a healthy financial communication system between the two of you. In general, joining bank accounts makes it much easier to track shared expenses and communicate clearly. The less moving parts, the easier it is to track, communicate and everyone is on the same page. This comes down to trust and communication.

2. Open Communication:

Successful partners openly communicate about money on a regular basis, either daily, weekly, or at least monthly. They discuss concerns, goals, dreams, fears, all of it. Take time to sit down and talk to your partner about your goals and dreams as a couple. What, where, when, how — don’t hold back. Also, be honest about what you were or were not taught about money growing up.

3. Show all your cards:

Be honest about debt. Show everything — student loans, credit cards, auto loans, medical debt, tax debts, 401(k) loans, and that loan from Uncle John for the business venture. Talk to each other about how you can become debt-free together.

4. Lifestyle choices:

I’m not talking about the decision to join a sorority or spring break in Cancun. I am talking about everyday lifestyle. Tory Burch vs. Vans Prada vs. Kohl’s. Charities that are important, hunting season, annual ski trips, you get the point. These things don’t change much even after you get married, and it’s good to be upfront about expectations, non-negotiable things and spending habits.

5. Personality differences:

Everyone is unique and brings something to the table. There are some qualities you love about the other person and others you don’t quite understand. I chose my wife for the wonderful things she possesses that make me a better person. Things I strive to be myself, look at in bewilderment, and frankly could never see myself doing. We both have these qualities, when put together we are stronger as a whole. I, for example, am spontaneous and very outgoing. I am very comfortable talking with strangers. I’ve been known to strike conversations up in an elevator. Not only that, but I love Halloween because you can use your imagination, get creative and live out your ideas once a year for all to see. My wife, on the other hand, not so much. She is more reserved, isn’t very talkative around new people, not shy but more comfortable with the other person initiating conversation. Once she gets to know you and likes you, she opens up and lets you in, where I am an open book from the start. She doesn’t like spur of the moment ideas. She likes things to have an itinerary of sorts. Likewise, she tends to plan things out. I, on the other hand, will go with the flow and figure it out as we go. Now admitting it’s not always the best plan of action, but some great stories have come from this approach as you can imagine. These qualities have come in handy on both ends for both of us. Once we had children, having someone lay out the morning routine step by step and post it on our kitchen wall brought the level of shall we say chaos to minimum levels. She saw the issue clear as day and brought her strong quality to rescue. Now, I needed to conform and participate for this to work. Like I said, it’s not my nature, it took a few weeks to get it working like a well-oiled machine.

There have been times when having me be the icebreaker at events and conversation starter has been invaluable. They have led to great fun, memorable evenings and new friends.

Many people stick with what works, and live within their comfort zone. They need an itinerary to know what’s next. Some people don’t like too many rules, they aren’t very organized and are spontaneous at heart. They are perfectly fine with winging it.

How does this tie into money? Budgets aren’t everyone’s favorite, one person might say it’s not their thing or too restrictive. Let’s put it this way – chances are the person doing all the wedding planning right now, that’s the planner they may be tilted towards budgeting numbers and the other person is the one that says, “Sure babe, whatever you want sounds good!” or “yeah we’ll just figure it out.” This might not be the case because everyone’s different. Believe it or not, my wife doesn’t like sitting down and reviewing the monthly budget…what I know, right!! But we both know we need to do things for each other to make things work in the long run. It’s about balancing each other out to make the team stronger. It’s also about participating in the process.

Remember I said open communication is important for a successful marriage? Well, part of that is the dreaded “B” word, Budgeting. Since I hate that word, let’s say cash flow planning meetings. It helps to tell your money where to go, versus wondering where it went. That means sitting down together at a designated time and having the wildcard show up and contribute to the meeting in some way and participate. I like them changing one thing in the spending plan, adding something, so they have some ownership in the process. You’re a team, and you’re in this together.

6. Salary differences:

Whoever earns more money doesn’t automatically have a greater say in financial decisions. As a team, you both have equal say. Treat your budget meetings like you would a company: lay out your income and expenses. And think about how to best use this money to stay profitable, stay afloat and grow together.

7. Keep purchases in the open:

Financial infidelity is a real thing. Financial infidelity is not uncommon among couples, and it occurs in all age groups. A study found that 27% of the participants had kept a financial secret from their partner. This study was published by the American Psychological Association This breaks down trust and causes all types of problems. It’s not worth it. Believe me, the damage lasts way longer than the joy of whatever you buy secretly. It can also lead to divorce, which is the opposite of our goal here.

8. Set expectations and boundaries:

When it comes to money, being proactive and setting clear guidelines can go a long way in maintaining a healthy marriage. Work together to create a financial decision-making framework you both can stick to. Agree to discuss purchases that go over a specified amount or take a few days to research and think over significant financial decisions, like buying a car. If it involves an amount over your agreed upon specified amount, sleep on it. You want to make decisions based on facts, not emotions. Use cash when you’re able to, discuss credit card spends, and be clear on your partner’s expectations regarding things like family vacations and career paths.

9. Children and Money:

I’m not talking about the true cost of raising children, such as childcare, clothes, medicine, camp, diapers, etc. That’s important to know, but before you get married, talk to your partner about what you want to teach your kids about money. What attitudes and money habits do you want your children to develop? Will they learn that “work equals money” or will they grow up thinking “I get money from my parents for breathing?” Will they learn delayed gratification? When they want a video game, will you give it to them instantly or teach them to wait and save up for it? Think about all the things you wish you’d learned about money when you were young. Talk to your partner about how you will pass these money lessons on to your kids.

10. Money isn’t everything:

Before I got married, I got wise counsel from a great friend and spiritual guide who told me what really matters in a successful marriage (hint: it’s not money!). He talked to me about firemen and here’s what he said:

Firemen know to take care of people over things in a fire, because things are replaceable.

They communicate in scary situations. They know where everyone is, and what their teammates need most at all times during a fire.

They always have each other’s backs. The bond between firemen is fierce; they fight for each other and support each other unconditionally.

My friend told me that once I get married and start a new family, I’d have to be willing to stand up and fight for it. My old family, the one I came from, would have a lot of opinions on what I should and shouldn’t do, but they’re not my new family. Sometimes, you need to fight for what you believe is right and do what you need to, to take your new family in a new direction.

Remember, every household is unique. You may have other variables to consider for you and your spouse when it comes to creating healthy communication. If you need additional support, a second set of eyes or a referee, consider meeting with a financial coach who can help you assess your situation and find solutions that work for you.

Book a free coach match session! I want to wish you all the blessings of a successful marriage, all the fruits of your hard work, and all the fun memories that come with growing old together. If you need help along your journey, please reach out to me through my website www.progressfc.com or via email at connor.tyson@progressfc.com.

Getting a Better Financial Outcome in Your Divorce

The divorce process hasn’t changed much over the years, but the financial issues in divorce certainly seem to be getting more complicated. As a forensic accountant who specializes in helping women get better financial outcomes in their divorces, my job is to trace and find the money. I’ve helped many women uncover money their husbands are hiding and I want to help you, too. Not everyone has the means to get a forensic accountant to help them figure out where their family’s money has gone, but guess what? You can do a lot of the legwork yourself.

Make a list of every bank, credit card, and investment account that you have with your soon-to-be ex. You need to get account statements for all of these, and the sooner you do it, the better. Don’t risk your husband cutting off your access…. Get the statements now. Doing this work now saves your attorney headaches later, and also saves you money. If you don’t have access to accounts that you know exist (such as a bank account in his name only), your attorney can get the account statements with a subpoena.

Stay-at-home moms may feel additional stress in the divorce process because they are not only worried about living arrangements, but are often looking for employment outside of the home to start supporting themselves after divorce. Many women who stay at home caring for the children, running the household, and supporting their spouses are blindsided by divorce. Their whole way of life changes and that can be scary, but if you find yourself in this position just know that you are not alone.

Don’t be ashamed if you didn’t manage the bills and have no idea what your spouse has done with all of the marital money. This is a common arrangement and just because you do not work outside of the home doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to your fair share of everything. It’s common during the divorce for the main breadwinner to say “this is MY retirement account” or lay claim to other assets saying they paid for them. You are entitled to part of those assets even if your name wasn’t on the paycheck, so don’t believe the threats and don’t just give up.

Your journey to journey to financial security after your divorce starts with a little planning. Start with a budget, looking at what your post-divorce costs will be. If you want to stay in the marital home, first, make sure that you can afford it on your post-divorce income. Write down all costs associated with the home, including the mortgage payment and taxes, lawn maintenance, repair and cleaning services, home-owners association dues, utilities, etc. It’s essential to be realistic to secure your financial future.

There are so many things you need to do to protect yourself financially as you begin the divorce process, and it often feels overwhelming. But there are lots of resources out there to help you get organized and navigate the finances. Don’t get discouraged. Take things step-by-step, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from a professional who has been down this road before.

Financial Planning for Divorce: Tips for Every Stage of Your Relationship

Divorce is one of the most awful things you can go through. (How’s that for an uplifting lead into a blog post?)

The process is overwhelming and there is so much to accomplish it. But a plan can help you have a better outcome in your divorce. 

As a forensic accountant specializing in helping women going through divorce, I have seen many cases of poor planning or lack of planning altogether when it comes to finances.

A plan for your financial future can help you, no matter the stage of the relationship you are in.

If you are engaged, your focus is on planning your wedding, of course. During this process, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the event-planning, catering, logistics, etc., but I want to encourage you to remember your financial future and consider a prenuptial agreement as part of the planning process. 

I know, prenups get a bad rap, but just hear me out.

You don’t want to think about divorce while planning a wedding and I certainly don’t want to see you in that situation. But discussing finances at the beginning of a marriage can be so positive.  For example, getting on the same page about your spending plan (also known as a budget!) can help avoid painful disagreements later. Agree now on the acceptable spending limits, your long-term savings goals, and when is important to both of you regarding the money. The prenup also protects your assets, both now and in the future. It protects both spouses, no matter how much or how little you have right now.

If you are currently married, but are considering divorce, start by making a list of shared accounts and credit cards, gathering documents, and writing down important dates. One of the most important things to do for the financial part of your divorce is to gather all of this information. If you begin now, you’ll have a head start that may ease your burden later in the process.

Even if you are right in the middle of your divorce and approaching the light at the end of the tunnel, there’s still time to plan. A solid financial plan for your post-divorce life is so important. You need to know exactly what your expenses are going to be so you can figure out where you will stand financially.  It can be scary to think about paying for all your expenses on your own. A plan for your new budget is a great place to start. Know your numbers. 

Once your divorce is final, you can still benefit from planning. What does your income look like? How much do you need to set aside for retirement? What are your fixed monthly  costs like rent, mortgage and car payments?  Don’t forget to start an emergency fund, even if you can only set aside a small amount of money each month. Even $50 per month may come in handy when you have an unexpected auto repair or medical copay. A safety net of an size can be a great help.

Divorce is scary, especially when it comes to the finances. It is hard to do it all on your own, but if you take some time to plan, you will be better prepared for whatever comes.