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 I haven’t filed for divorce yet. My husband doesn’t know that I’m aware that he has been having an affair for months. What should I do to protect myself financially?

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Answer

First, do not confront him about the affair until you have your ducks in a row. Your first step will be to gather all the financial documents that you have legal access to. Get bank statements, credit card statements, and investment account statements for all of the accounts your name is on. You don’t need your husband’s permission, as you can go directly to these companies and get your statements. Save these in a safe place, since you may need them later to prove what was going on with the money.

Next, you should retain an attorney. I recommend talking to three attorneys before making a decision on who you will hire. Once you hire an attorney, work with him or her to understand what your rights are and whether you’ll be able to recover the money spent on the affair partner.

Finally, make a plan for your financial future. You want to get the best financial settlement possible if you choose to get divorced. Think strategically about the assets you and your husband have, and what you need in order to pay for your own house, be prepared for retirement, and feel secure in your finances as you move forward.