Empowering Women to Achieve Financial Freedom with Stephanie Xenos

Announcer 0:34
Gloria Steinem once said, we will never solve the feminization of power until we solve the masculinity of wealth. Barbara Provost and Maggie Nielsen are the team at Purse Strings that will help you navigate the ins and outs of financial independence so that you can be financially fearless. This is Women And Money, The Shit We Don’t Talk About.

Maggie Nielsen 0:58
Hey, Stephanie, we are so excited to have you on the podcast today, before we dive in, will you share with our listeners a bit about who you are and what you do?

Stephanie Xenos 1:06
Amazing. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. My name is Stephanie Xenos, like you said already, I work with women, mostly one on one, but I also do kind of travel around the US and speak on my favorite personal finance topic, which is investing. That’s sort of, I think, like the secret sauce of personal finance. So yeah, that’s how I spend most of my time these days, in my business. And then outside of my business, you can find me two stepping in Austin and mostly on trails.

Maggie Nielsen 1:36
Awesome. Well, we are so excited to dive into this episode today is, I think you have such a unique story. And so I think that’s where we’re just going to start, as your money journey, really, you know, started at 15. Can you tell us, you know, how that started, and kind of the power of that impetus in the rest of your life?

Stephanie Xenos 1:54
Yes. So I often will start my events with a question to the audience, which is, how many of you know a woman who has stayed in a relationship because they didn’t have the financial resources to leave? And while that wasn’t my personal story, that was my mother’s story. And growing up, I was an only child to a single mom for a long time, and we were very poor, and then my mom met a man who was like very charismatic and very intelligent and had money, and our life just transformed overnight. I can’t tell you how it was for someone like a young teenager to have their life shift like that. It was very, very powerful. However, my stepfather was not a very kind man, and was physically abusive to my mom and also to me. So it put us in a position where, you know, we were moving in and out, he was, you know, moving in and out. And, you know, repeatedly, my mom found herself unable to leave because she didn’t have the finances. And so I just learned early, you know, the power of money, like money is so much more than a number. Money is safety, right? Money is choice. Money is freedom. And I kind of vowed as a young person to be different, and I became a little bit obsessed with money, not necessarily all healthy, right, but out of that fear, it was really born a desire to learn everything I possibly could about money. And, you know, I had, like, wads of cash all over my room as a young person, started investing at 18, like made all the mistakes, but slowly by slowly, just self taught, until I saved enough to retire.

Maggie Nielsen 3:29
Wow, that is quite a story. And I know your mom’s story is not, you know, dissimilar to so many other women we hear about there either stuck in a job, in a relationship, in some scenario where money is really the impetus of why we stay, which is, you know, one reason why, at purse strings, we always say money’s freedom, because it can not only just take you on a nice trip or do something like that, but get you out of any of these situations that you really do not want to be in. And so you had a pretty amazing accomplishment of retiring at the age of 32 was this always your goal to retire early? Or tell us a bit about how you made that happen? Is that’s much younger than most of Americans out there.

Stephanie Xenos 4:08
Yeah. So I mean, like I mentioned, I was totally obsessive, and I didn’t have a goal for a specific age. I was also born in Greece, and so half of my family was there. And so when I was young, like around 20, I was like, I’m going to save up all my money. I want to be able to move abroad one day. I want to be, you know, retired. I found the fire movement, right? And I was like, Oh my gosh, the fire movement is all these nerdy dudes like, where is my place in this movement? And I just started consuming as much information as I possibly could about and most of it, you know, was around investing, and investing being the key to, kind of getting to the place where your money works for you and you can retire. So investing became my obsession. And so I never I didn’t have 32 in mind, but I was like, ASAP. And so there was times when I was working at SpaceX where I was investing like 70% of my income. Um, and living pretty scrappy in LA, so, yeah, so 32 wasn’t the goal. It was really just like, I’m going to do this as quickly as possible. And I knew that no matter what happened to me like that, that was going to be the end goal. I was going to make it happen.

Barbara Provost 5:16
So how did you make it happen? Like, if you can give us a few tips on, you know, living scrappy. You know what that looks like and how you invested.

Maggie Nielsen 5:26
And then, if you could just also define what fire is, for anyone who is listening who’s not as familiar with that acronym.

Stephanie Xenos 5:32
Yeah, so fire is financial independence. Retire early. It’s like it was, like a very small niche interest years ago. Now, it’s a thing that a lot of people are interested in. I don’t really care about the retire early part. For me, it was more just the financial independence part, right? Like I wanted to know I would have enough money to be okay, to be safe the rest of my life. And you know, it’s the same fundamentals as I would teach someone today, starting with having savings, right? So if something comes up in your job or your relationship, you can leave. That’s like the first building block, and then from there, right, once you have more money, above and beyond the amount you need in savings to feel safe. Then I started investing. I started with an advisor, I think I won’t say which institution, but I started with an advisor with, like, $50 in my Roth IRA, literally. And after a couple years, I was like, Wait a minute. Like, I wonder if I could do this. I had, I had learned that advisors charge fees. I had kind of done the math on the fees. I was like, I think I could do this myself. So I moved it at that point to Vanguard, and started like, self managing at that point, you know, I went from like, owning the easiest possible thing, right, target date, funds, low fee, index funds. Then I started choosing my own index funds and my own mixes. And then eventually I started investing in individual companies, the individual company investing, while it’s like much riskier. I was also in deep tech at SpaceX, and I was like, I think I can leverage some of my engineering and physics background or choose some companies that I think are really amazing. Started investing in kind of individual companies, and that was what really kind of made my portfolio expand at a greater rate. Another like sideline to the story is I didn’t meet my father until I was 20. So I went to Greece at 20. It was very Mamma mia, like, had to find him through a fancy lawyer, like a maritime lawyer that knew him, yeah. And when I met my dad, he was like, one day, if you want to build a house in Greece, like, I would love to do that with you. So I took some of the money I had saved, I built a villa in Greece that started making passive income. And that was really the point that pushed me over my fire number, right? Because when you have that cash flow, it takes your the number you need to retire, and it reduces it significantly. So that was the point where I was like, Oh my gosh, I’m there. I didn’t think I was there yet, but now I’m there. And so, you know, a little bit of passive income from the real estate and a lot of investing income was really how I was able to retire at 32

Maggie Nielsen 7:53
Wow, that’s really amazing. And I also like how fun to have that little Mamma Mia story. And it turned out, well, you know what I mean, or it seems like it did. That’s really awesome. And so now I know you take, you know, everything that you’ve learned, which, you know, I’d like to kind of, you know, emphasize for women here, it seems like, you know, first of all, you have a lot of great education, and you spend a lot of time on diving into this information, and, you know, diving into the stocks and and taking it step by step. It wasn’t just one day you you you knew everything about stocks, and you got started. Because I think so many times we just see it like, you know, you jump to the end where it does, you know, it takes a couple years to learn it all. And you spent time doing that, and you didn’t feel like you needed an advisor, but you put that time in educating yourself, which I think we all have to weigh, you know, the time, versus paying someone else and all these different things. And then it takes a while to get there. And so it’s not, it’s not overnight success, as social media and everything else makes it seem but how does your story, and you know, having this fire movement and retiring early really bring into the work that you’re doing today? Because you chose not to retire, you’re really helping more women now with their finances,

Stephanie Xenos 8:58
Yeah, and you know now it’s been 20 years since I started investing, right? And it is a slow journey, like you said, it’s also kind of a part time job in some ways, right? And that’s what I tell people, too, that the type of investing I do takes more time. But the key was that I started early, right? I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know everything, and I did it anyway. And that’s what I tell people, like, that’s the most important part is, like, you can tweak things and change things as you go, but you can’t get time back, right? So get started, even if it’s not the best possible investment situation. And yeah, when I retired, I was, you know, sitting around. I was living in Seattle at the time, and the first thing I did was I got certified to teach bar, which is a very random thing, but I always wanted to do like something in like the community and movement space. And I was like, I need something for my body and mind to focus on when I retire. And then I just started making lists of things that were important to me. I was already talking to everyone in my life about money. I was like, the money evangelist for,

Barbara Provost 9:55
Good for you! I love that.

Stephanie Xenos 9:59
And. I one day, I just I joined this co working space called the Riveter, and it was for women entrepreneurs. And just one day, I was like, I wonder if I could help people I don’t know, with money. It was literally that simple. I was like, maybe I’ll just host a workshop and see if anyone shows up. And it was only five days away, and over 100 women showed up. And the Riveter was like, oh my god, I think you’re onto something here. So that’s how money muse was born. Was literally just like, Oh, I wonder if I could help people I don’t know. You know, do I have the expertise? Could I possibly and I went from there,

Announcer 10:34
Purse Strings offers an available for hire network of vetted professionals who specialize in serving women when you have a life event that has suddenly made money a priority, you can now move forward with a whole new confidence that you’re getting advice and services from Savvy professionals who are uniquely equipped to serve your needs. Go to pursestrings.co, and use our directory of hand picked financial professionals when you’re ready to plan for retirement, navigate divorce, buy your next home, fire up your new business and more, go to purse strings.co, or check the link in the show notes. Now you can be financially fearless.

Maggie Nielsen 11:17
And so what is like your focus of women? Do you just help women budget and invest. Or are you working with women who kind of have the same situation of your mom, of, you know, trying to get out of some of these tougher situations, and, you know, really have a goal to leave a bad spot?

Stephanie Xenos 11:30
Yeah, the majority of my clients are women who, I would say, are like, you know, hyper focused on career. They’re already pretty good at money for the most part, and maybe they know a little bit, or they’ve saved some, but then they don’t know what to take, like, what step to take next with the investing, right? So I mostly specialize in investing. However, there is, like, a big slice of my clients that are either preparing for a divorce, thinking about a divorce, going through a divorce, right? Where maybe they’re in that situation and and they want to make sure that they’re going to be okay. So a lot of my clients why they may be or while they may be very successful, they haven’t necessarily paid attention to their finances because their partner was doing it right. And now they’re like, oh, girl, I think I got to learn some stuff real quick. And I’m like, yes, yes, you do. And I try to make it, you know, as approachable as possible. I love also to pull in like other experts, right? Because I’m not a I’m not, you know, studying law, I like, I’m not an attorney, right? So I love to partner with other people in the space and just try to give the person as much information as possible. But yes, it is. It is a good chunk of people who are preparing to take on their financial situation for the first time themselves, and there is a big learning curve there.

Barbara Provost 12:44
So what do you think are some of the barriers that you see are in front of women, when you start working with them

Stephanie Xenos 12:51
honestly, the biggest barrier I see is the way we think about money. So most of my clients are used to prioritizing other people ahead of themselves. So whether that’s their children, right? They’re like, I’ve been saving for my kids college for 10 years, and I’m way behind in retirement. And I’m like, Ah,

Barbara Provost 13:07
I know, right? These women who don’t put on, like we say, their oxygen mask first, and they’re not going to get a return on that investment of their children’s college. So I love that you’re focusing on that. And what do you say to them?

Stephanie Xenos 13:22
Then I usually tell them the way I like to say it. I love the oxygen mask thing. I say, you know, you can live an amazing life without owning a home. Your child can live an amazing life without having money for college. But if you get to retirement and you’re not prepared, that’s going to be hard for you, that’s going to be hard for your family, right? You’re going to end up potentially being a burden for your children, so it’s kind of counterintuitive, but you need to prepare for yourself first. That’s the way that I try to frame it for people, just to help them to see it differently. But it’s so hard. We’re also taught that, like talking about money is rude, right? So a lot of times, people have anxiety, and I try to normalize all of the things that can happen when we try to talk about money, which is like, anxiety, or suddenly feeling like, really dumb, or like, checked out, or like, oh, suddenly I’m so tired I just like, can’t possibly do this right now. What’s happening right? Like, these are always our nervous system kind of is like, No thank you. Let’s not do the money talk. So, you know, normalizing that and just helping women realize, like, they’re not alone. We all experience the same things. And just reframing, I think, for people, yeah,

Maggie Nielsen 14:27
it is amazing how much, you know, investment is one option, but, like so much is just the money mindset and the way we think about our money. And it’s not always this, this tactical thing, but more of, I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s always the woo, woo side, or just, you know, the logical side, the way we think about these things, but it is just a lot of mindset readjustment, because there are so many people we know who are earning, you know, a good six figure income, but don’t know where it’s going or how it’s being utilized. So it’s not like, it’s not, we’re not earning enough, but it’s how is it being allocated. You know, what are we doing with. It, and how are we investing it and those different things, and how are we thinking about that?

Barbara Provost 15:04
Yeah, and no shame, because, like, I say Stephanie to so many women, it’s like giving the keys to the car to somebody who’s never even understood what a car is for, or how it runs or how it works, and so they’re just fumbling around, trying to do the best they can, right? Because there’s no financial literacy taught in schools. And in fact, like Maggie said, all the poor money messaging around women and money shy us away from the conversation like it’s taboo and shouldn’t be discussed. So we always say, for not talking about money, we’re not learning about money.

Stephanie Xenos 15:38
That’s true. Yeah. Another way I like to look at it, because I love to blend kind of the money mindset, or even, like, the woo spiritual side, right? Because we can have all of the tools. We can do everything right, and still feel terrible about our money right, still be, like, gripped with anxiety, even though we have plenty and like, what’s the point in that? Right? That’s not freedom. So we really need both sides.

Maggie Nielsen 16:00
And so I know for your fire number, that’s like a number that you’re going to hit, and that’s when you can kind of hit retirement. And so when you first saw this number or thought about it, you know, how did that make you feel? Were you anxious? Were you like, you know, even if I have that, that’s still not going to be enough, I’m still going to be worried. Or, you know, what were kind of your thoughts around that number? Is, I think sometimes being so young, you’re like, but could I still outlive it? You know? I mean, there’s all these different ifs and, you know, I don’t know asterisks,

Stephanie Xenos 16:27
Yeah, I always ask the question to people also, like, how would you feel if you knew you had enough money for the rest of your life? And half the people are like, Yeah, amazing freedom. And the other half are like, responsible, anxious. What would I do? You know? And in that moment, I think just based on my personality, I was like, oh my god, I have a huge responsibility now to give back and to like, there’s no excuses for me not to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do, right? Like, I have to do it all now. So I felt a lot of responsibility, and what I didn’t factor into my fire number was the fact that I wasn’t going to be sitting on a beach the rest of my life like I didn’t plan to run a business. And I tell people that too is, if you’re if you’re motivated enough to get to your fire number, you’re probably going to make money afterwards, right? And so a lot of times, we save more than we actually think, and that’s a good thing, because also our lifestyles and expenses tend to go up, right? And so for me, personally, I went through a divorce and my expenses doubled. Wow. That was not,

Barbara Provost 17:24
Yeah, that happens.

Stephanie Xenos 17:27
So those types of things happen. And like, thank goodness that. You know, I am someone that has a business, and I am someone that can still do things right. And so it’s like, then I had kind of a new fire number, and that was a temporary situation. My expenses will come back down a little bit again. But those are things that we can’t necessarily plan for. And there’s, there’s pros and cons, like, probably you’re going to make more money doing something, and probably things are going to come up that you didn’t plan for. So, yeah, yeah. It’s, uh,

Maggie Nielsen 17:54
Yeah, it’s interesting, because there’s always so much more that we don’t plan for. And you think about, you know, we had a pandemic, like, who? Who else knows what’s going to come in the next 40 years? I’m sure we’re going to have something fun. Have something fun thrown in there. So it’s just really being prepared for all that. But I would also want to kind of ask you about, you know, kind of creating your life, of kind of whatever you want to do, because so many people, you know, if money wasn’t an option, what would you do? And we only think about working. And so now you kind of have that opportunity. And so how do you kind of figure out what you want to do or encourage your clients to do the same?

Stephanie Xenos 18:25
Yeah, it was easier for me because I had some time off where I could dissociate my personality from just being a spacexer, which I think when people first leave work, it’s like, who am I without work? Work has been my life. And the more you’re like that, and the more like that’s a very American thing, right? The more you’re like that, the harder fire is. And you will see a lot of people talking about depression on fire forums and, you know, other mental health challenges after retiring. And luckily for me, I had a very diverse interest. So like I did the bar teacher training. I started the business. I was traveling to Greece, right? Like, I kind of had this vision of my lifestyle being bi, Continental, and, yeah, I don’t know it wasn’t something I struggled with. I felt like my calendar was more full than it had ever been. But that’s also my personality type. And so I tell people that if they want to retire, like, have something in mind for, like, a mental pursuit. Have something in mind for a physical pursuit, like, have some things lined up to help you transition, because your nervous system is going to take a few years to figure out, like, what it’s like to not be in your nine to five, and that’s going to be really jarring for your identity. Yeah,

Maggie Nielsen 19:37
Yeah. I read some of those, like fire forums on Reddit and things like that. And so many people do feel either like depressed or lost or almost embarrassed, like I’m retired, so I don’t do anything all day when they talk to other, you know, 30 something year olds or 40 something year olds, who you know they’re, you know, working all day and all these different things. And so it’s just interesting that no matter what, you might still be sad, you got to figure out what you want. To do with your life, and what makes you happy, no matter if you have the money or if you don’t.

Stephanie Xenos 20:04
It’s true. Yeah, you have to find a way to make meaning.

Barbara Provost 20:07
And I know that, Stephanie, you have some webinars coming up. How can What are you teaching these days? How do women get a hold of you? Share a little bit about you? Yeah,

Stephanie Xenos 20:18
I’m pretty easy to find on Instagram. It’s just my name, Stephanie underscore Zenos, or Stephanie. Zenos.com and I work with women one on one. I also am developing an amazing course for people who maybe they’re not quite ready to work with me one on one, but it introduces them to what I like to think of as like the Pillars of Wealth, or strategies to wealth. And we do talk about fire in there. There’s also investing money mindset, side hustles. So there’s a whole bunch of different areas that I feel are different paths that can take you to wealth. I see this as like building your financial foundation. Real Estate’s in there too. So that’s another option for people who are not quite at the point where they’re like, Okay, I’m ready to invest a whole bunch of money, or I’m taking it to the next level. I need help from one on one. But they’re like, I want to learn some stuff. I know that I want to learn it. I just don’t know where to start. That’s another way. But yeah, also I always say, like, just, you can ask me a question on Instagram. I’ll always answer it. Like, always. So, yeah, I encourage people to reach out to me.

Barbara Provost 21:22
So yeah, and Stephanie, we are so glad that you are one of our purse strings approved professionals, so you can always be found on our purse strings, a directory. And I just love your story, because you made such goodness out of what was not that great. You learn so much, and you applied it to your life, and now you’re helping other women do the same thing, which to me, is like a rippling effect. And you know when you said, Boy, could I help people with this? It’s kind of like, that’s your North Star, that’s your passion, that’s what you’re about, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing. And I love your Instagram. I love what pops off the page. It’s a woman who’s very competent, independent, and I think all women will feel that way once they engage with you and jump into your webinars and do some coaching with you. So many people want to learn how to invest and get started. I think this is a great opportunity.

Stephanie Xenos 22:22
Thanks. Barb, Thanks, Maggie. I really appreciate it.

Maggie Nielsen 22:25
Before we sign off today, are there any last words of wisdoms or tips that you would like to give our audience?

Stephanie Xenos 22:30
Ooh, I would say one thing I encourage every woman to have is your own savings account. Probably, this is something we talk about on purse strings a lot, right? But if you have, you know, some money that’s just earmarked just for you in case of emergencies, that’s not shared with a partner like that would be, I think, maybe one of the most fundamental things in terms of securing your safety and your future. So

Maggie Nielsen 22:52
Definitely great piece of advice. We all have to have our little stash somewhere. So yeah, thank you again, Stephanie, for coming on and sharing your story and your expertise today, you can check out Stephanie on Instagram or@purstrings.co and remember, just take one small action today, as those little actions really move us forward. Whatever it is, let’s take that small step forward and be financially fearless. Talk to you soon.

Barbara Provost 23:14
Thank you, Stephanie,

Stephanie Xenos 23:15
thank you so much. Information

Speaker 1 23:18
is for illustrative purposes only and does not constitute tax investment or legal advice. Always consult with a qualified investment legal or tax professional before taking any action.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai